Day 3 - TERROR
In between not caring about anything that is happening at work & wanting to sleep, i feel terrified. Not worry - I recognize that there isn't anything I can do about it - just fear.
What if the bean has a defect?
What if my relationship with Dean is damaged irrepairably?
What if my friends don't want to have anything to do with me because I'm a breeder?
What if I lose the bean?
I want so much to talk to Dean about what I'm thinking and feeling, but he's completely withdrawn. He also actually left town today so we get to stew separately for the next 2 weeks. :/
When I ask him what he is thinking his response is a cool:
"I feel a range of emotions."
He won't tell me what is in that range... though when asked directly, he did say that "happy" was not one of the emotions.
He also said that this wasn't a part of our plan... true, but he's never actually shared this plan with me beyond travel plans and curt responses to my direct questions about marriage.
What if the bean has a defect?
What if my relationship with Dean is damaged irrepairably?
What if my friends don't want to have anything to do with me because I'm a breeder?
What if I lose the bean?
I want so much to talk to Dean about what I'm thinking and feeling, but he's completely withdrawn. He also actually left town today so we get to stew separately for the next 2 weeks. :/
When I ask him what he is thinking his response is a cool:
"I feel a range of emotions."
He won't tell me what is in that range... though when asked directly, he did say that "happy" was not one of the emotions.
He also said that this wasn't a part of our plan... true, but he's never actually shared this plan with me beyond travel plans and curt responses to my direct questions about marriage.
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