About your grandfather

Dear Lomax,

3 years ago today, your grandfather died.  I wish you could have met him.  He was a great person.

My birthday is the day after his & in the 3 years since his passing, I find that celebrating without him has been difficult.  Our birthdays were always celebrated together even when we were apart.

My earliest memories of my father, before the accident (which I'll get to), I remember as warm sunny days, goodbye kisses in the morning and eager anticipation waiting for him to come home in the evening.  The sound of his red Vega station wagon, or his green Kawasaki motorcycle in the parking lot in front of the town house would send your Uncle Mervin & I scrambling to the refrigerator to get Daddy a Budweiser.  Whoever got daddy the beer got to open it & get the first sip.  I always wanted that first sip.  It was part of our bond and I think I won more times than I lost (though Uncle Mervin may argue that he let me win).

Daddy was a musician.  He had a base guitar and a huge standing amplifier that was a part of our family room furniture.  We also had a piano that I reluctantly played for more years than I should have.

Anyway, in July 1977, we were visiting your family, on your grandmother's side, down in Alabama.  I promise to take you there sometime.  I was 5 years old and I remember long, hot, humid summer days.  Daddy would take long rides with our cousins and uncles on his motorcycle until one day he didn't come home.  I had a loose tooth that day and was vehemently trying to get the tooth out so I could get a visit from the tooth fairy.  I remember a screeching car, slamming doors, then wails and screams and tears.  Your grandmother left the my grandmother's house and was gone for a while.  I remember being told that there had been an accident.  Daddy had crashed his motorcycle and broke his neck.  Thankfully, he didn't die that morning, but our lives changed pretty dramatically.

I don't remember how long it was before I got to see him again, but remember missing him and not understanding where he was.  Eventually, your grandmother, your two uncles and I drove to a town about 3 hours north where daddy was in a rehabilitation facility.  I remember the place smelled funny and it was cold and rainy.  But, that was okay because I was getting to see my daddy again.  I don't remember if I learned there, or if I had been told before, that the accident caused my father to lose the ability to walk probably for the rest of his life.  That was true, but at the time, we all held out hope that he would walk again.

We made that trip several more times before daddy moved to a hospital in Richmond and then back home.  The hospital bed was moved into the living room so Daddy got to wait for us to come home and get kisses from us when we left for school in the morning.

In 1979, we moved to the house where your grandmother lives now.  My grandfather, your grandfather's father, built a deck on the back of the house with a ramp, so daddy could drive his new wheelchair into the house.

All while your uncle's and I were in school, I wanted nothing more than to make him proud of me.  Your mom was a straight A student for a very long time!  He knew everything!  He didn't allow us to use him as a short cut, and directed us to the encyclopedia set that he and your grandmother purchased for us or to the library.  He was also the grammar police and to this day, hearing bad grammar is like nails on a chalkboard.  So, I apologize in advance for doing the same thing to you but if you're like me, you will appreciate it when you're older.

I wish I had kept a diary of every moment with him so I could tell you everything about him - and selfishly relive our time together on days like today when I miss him so much.  I am so sad that you aren't going to have the chance to meet him.  I promise, to you my lovely, wonderful baby, that I will try to be as good a parent to you as he was to me; to be as devoted to you as he was to me; to be proud of everything you do as he was of me; and to love you as unconditionally as he did me.  I promise to tell you as many stories about your grandfather as I can so that you can feel like you know him and love him as much as I know he loves you.

I love you!

Mommy

P.S.  One more thing you should know about your grandfather is that he often told the same stories over and over and over again.  Growing up, your uncle's and I heard some of the stories so many times we could recite them along with him.  I think you can likely expect the exact same thing from your mom.  :)