Reflections on terror & relief

Right after the 2nd part of the pre-screen test, my doctor called me a few weeks ago & left a fairly long message.  She said that they found a problem with the results of the test, a small problem and that I shouldn't worry or freak out.  Unfortunately, by time she said that I shouldn't freak out, I was already freaked out.

What problem?  What does that even mean?

I tried to calm myself, but needed to talk to someone, so I called Aimee.

"Are you okay?"

"No."  Then I couldn't stop the tears.

Aimee convinced me to call the doctor... and to stop driving.  Which I did.  I left a message for the on-call doctor and received a call back from my doctor who happened to be on the phone with the on-call doctor when my message came through.

"Are you freaking out?"

"Yes!  What's the problem?"

Basically, we were at an elevated risk for down's syndrome.  The pre-screens only bring back risk assessments, not actual diagnoses which is why I shouldn't freak out.  She didn't have the numbers in front of her, but based on the ultrasounds, she wasn't worried.  She suggested talking to a genetic counselor as soon as possible.

This conversation happened on a Thursday & Dean was leaving on the up-coming Tuesday.  If we were going to get in before he left an appointment needed to be made soon.  I didn't hear from anyone until Wednesday & they wanted me in pretty soon.

I said "No.  My partner is not here & I do not want to do this without him."

They told me that he didn't need to be there, but I was adamant.  I needed him there so we'd have the meeting when Dean came back or not at all.  Another option was to conference him in, but I certainly was not going to do this alone.  They agreed to wait.

Meanwhile, I looked into it.  Neither Dean's family nor my family have a history of Down's Syndrome.  Women over 35 & men over 40 have a higher risk of Down's Syndrome children.  Some of the tell-tale signs of Down's Syndrome were absent from Lomax's ultrasound - the thickness of his neck was normal.  So why should I worry?

Amnio sucks (see July 13 post)

The Genetic Counselor called yesterday with good news...  My heart literally lept out of my chest!  "Oh?"  I calmly asked

Yes, the amnio came back with no trace (NO TRACE!) of any genetic defects.  No Downs!  No Spina Bifida! And Lomax is definitely a boy.  I pulled the car over & cried.  I was so happy to get the news & wanted to jump OUT of the car with joy.  

I thanked her over & over again.  I might have told her that I loved her and that this was the best news I'd ever received.  When I got off the phone, I left a message for Dean, then sent a text to my mom, brothers and the few friends I shared this ordeal with.

Then I made it Facebook news.  :)

The thought of anything being wrong with little Lomax filled me with terror.  Finding out that, genetically, he's perfect filled me with relief so deep and so broad that it got me thinking.  Being a parent is going to be this type of rollercoaster ride all of the time.

I'm sorry, mom, for all the crazy sleepless nights I gave you!